Found out we are having twins. What?!

Ben and I were so terrified excited to find out that we are having twin boys! I laid down on the table on Monday and the ultrasound tech looked at me and said 'this is your first ultrasound?' I said 'yes' and she says 'I'm going to show you something. Here is the first heartbeat and here is the second heartbeat. You are having twins.' Our jaws couldn't be pulled off the floor. hahahah. I KNEW I was big and I KNEW I was showing earlier than normal but I just figured it was because this was my second pregnancy. Guess not! Ben was pretty excited to find out right away that one was a boy. We found out about 20 minutes later that our second is also a boy. After the initial shock wore off I think we took it fairly well. Ben and I still stare at eachother in awe a couple times a night going 'I can't believe it' but are so excited to see what life has in store for us. I get all teary thinking about the fact that we lost one not that long ago and that this was just his way of coming back to us. And that makes me feel so blessed. *********I got a call from our dr today saying the ultrasound looked good and that I can still do monthly checkups for right now. Yah! I go in on Friday for my 20 week check up and for another quick ultrasound to make sure everything is still going well.

Aspartame you will be the death of me

If you viewed my previous post you now know that I'm pregnant :) Here is the thing about it. Everyone tells you how great it is and oh it's so wonderful blah blah blah. The truth? You are sick, you are tired, if you have kids one of them is always jumping on you and you can't eat ANYTHING. Good luck trying to find a drink without aspartame in it. No lunch meat. No sushi. No caffine. No soft cheese. And I could go on and on and on. Yesterday I had a turkey sandwich and had a pop. It felt soooooo good. hahahaha. My advice? Take everything with a grain of salt. No soft cheese that isn't pasturized. Well unless you are traveling to the south of france or you have goats, milk them and make cheese out of it I wouldn't be too worried. Don't go to a sushi place that looks like maybe yesterday it was tattoo parlor. And don't drink like 30 mt dews a day. Also be prepared for everyone to tell you how you should do things. Because, of course, they were/are a better pregnant person than you. 'Oh I didn't have ANY caffine, not worth the risk'. 'I microwave ALL my meat before I eat it. No sense in getting listeria.' Really bitch? I'm tired, my two year old was up twice last night and I'm having a goddamn cup of coffee. And guess what? I might even get my sandwich from the gas station...Ok I wouldn't get my sanwich from a gas station but you see what I mean. OK, pregnant women rant over.

First Trimester, week 10 - Man I'm sexy

Most people do NOT know that I'm currently pregnant. But I thought it might be fun to remember some of the 'wonderfulness' of pregnancy so I'm writing this on March 4th and scheduling the post for later on. So here goes. My pregnancy so far. Has been NOTHING like I remember Mars pregnancy being. I'm very tired, very sore and have horrible stomach problems. I've cut out milk and yogurt and that seems to help a little bit. But not a lot. I don't know whats worse, being constipated or the exact opposite. Mostly I feel bad for my co workers and husband who have to share a bathroom with me. I'm pretty sure I text my mom last week and said 'I can't stop pooping or farting.' Do you hear that Hannah H? Do not have sex ever or you'll get pregnant and this will happen to you :) Just kidding, you can have sex when you're 45. What else has been happening? We made the mistake of telling Mar that mommy had a baby in her tummy. Apparently she listens because a few days later Mar told auntie Brandi at daycare 'mommy has a baby in her tummy'. The cat was out of the bag. Whoops. We've only told a few people so far but I don't know how much longer I can keep the secret as I look like I'm about 5 months along ... not two. Awww the joys of your second pregnancy. What you weren't back in shape all the way like you wanted to be? What your stomach muscles have weakend considerably because of your first pregnancy? Well lets make sure the world knows that either you are eating way to many fruit roll ups or you are having a baby. Or, in my case, probably both. Luckily some of these symptoms have subsided a little bit. I'm not feeling SO amazingly exhausted and hopefully it will continue to get better as the days go on here. Even with all that Ben and I are feeling very blessed and are hoping that soon we will be telling the world we are expecting baby number 2 :)

It seems like

My girlfriend did something like this on FB and it got me thinking ... and got me all teary...so here goes *It seems like just yesterday I was: -Playing outside at my Nana and Papa's farm without a care in the world. -Crying to my mom in the car at the bus stop the first day of 7th grade. New school, no friends and I was terrified. She drove behind the school bus the whole way, stopped at the school to make sure I was ok and was waiting for me at the bus stop when I got home. Yup that one still makes me cry. What would we do without our moms? -Graduating high school and wondering where life would take me. -Moving out on my own for the first time without a single possesion of my own. Hand me down everything including pots and pans. I think I bought dollar store silverwear and dollar bowls from Target. -Going out too much, laughing all the time, being young and stupid and feeling like it would never end. -Sitting on my best friend Rachaels couch, talking, eating, watching tv, crying over a boy etc etc etc. And then walking the 20 steps back to my own apartment. Best 'roomate' situation ever. -Seeing Ben for the first time. Thinking about how cute he was and dancing with him all night. That was 7 years ago already. Where does time go? -Buying a house and hoping with all my hope that it was the right decision. It was. -Getting married. Big one. And KNOWING with all my heart that it was the right decision. It was, is and always will be :) -Finding out we were pregnant. Seeing Bens face for the first time with a half terrified look and a proud smile. -Having Marley. Looking at her and knowing I would love her and watch out for her forever. Hoping I could be the mommy she desearved. Time flies. And it's so easy to forget all the amazing things that life has brought us. _ I can't seem to get my blog to 'act' the way it wants to so I'm sorry for all the paragraphs. For some reason thats all it's letting me do right now!

Somehow my little girl is 2 today. Where has all that time gone? It seems like only yesterday I had just given birth to the most amazing little thing in the whole world. Now she talks, dresses herself and doesn't look like my little baby anymore. She tells us every morning 'I sleep good!' and is full of smiles and hugs, even when it's 530am :) She loves dancing and being silly and is the sweetest little thing. I think it still melts mine and Bens hearts every time she says 'I luv you'. Recently shes LOVED Dora and Bubble Guppies and requests to watch their 'movies' every night. Marley is most definitley Bens daughter as she loves to entertain. More than once we've laughed at her and she looks at us with those big blue serious eyes and asks 'that funny?' She wants to make sure we are having a great time. hahah Especially on Mondays after a whole weekend with her I find myself missing her terribly. But I know that soon enough I'll get home and she'll be running to me calling Mommy Mommy and telling me about her day. Marley you truely are the light of our world. You are funny, so amazingly smart and so sweet and kind. I love your feisty little attitude, the snuggles you give and the bold statements you make when you are very sure that you do NOT want to do something. :) You are wonderful and I am so blessed to be your mommy.

How do you justify your time???

On a recent face book post a friend of mine posted the following question (and I'm paraphrasing) 'How do people justify going to the gym rather than spending time with their family ... I just dance around the living room with my boys.' I'll admit that when I first read it my thought was 'do I have to justify it? Should I feel guilty for wanting to take time to myself?' I mean we do a LOT together ... I let her in the bathroom to play in the sink while I poop for petes sake. It was quickly followed by me thinking 'Why the hell should I have to justify anything to you.' Now let me say that this girl is someone that I would consider a friend and I don't think she meant anything by her comment. I would never fault her for asking a simple question. It also got me thinking. I did respond with the fact that I put Marley to bed and then go to the gym. But I do think it's important to take time for yourself, make yourself better etc. Dancing around my living room is not enough to take care of the muffin top that I have going on! haha. Here is what has continued to bother me. As a first time mom it took me a LONG time to realize that I desearve time to myself and I shouldn't feel guilty for taking it or wanting it. Of course, a night away or an hour at the gym is different then spending every night in the bar, but I think you get what I'm saying. The guilt associated with being a mom (for me at least) can be huge. An example? When Mar was just a little babe I hardly left the house. Looking back I know that I was dealing with some mild depression on top of being majorly sleep deprived. But I HATED it when Ben would go out. It made me resent him. Why didn't he feel for our daughter what I felt? Why didn't he need to be with her 100% of the time? I even felt guilty for wanting a SHOWER by myself. But it caused a lot of problems for us. Now that Marley is older and I have learned that doing stuff on my own is wonderful sometimes, I feel like we have a great system worked out. Ben and I go and do our own things when we want to while the other one (typically) stays at home with Mar. For instance? I'm going out tonight with girl friends while Ben stays home. This weekend on Saturday I slept in while Ben and Mar ran errands, got breakfast and visited with nana. Sunday Ben slept while Mar and I went out to get groceries and have breakfast. It makes me LOVE our 'alone time' together and also love that Ben gets his own special daddy daughter morning too. The point to my ramblings in that it's OK ... for us at least ... to do your own thing. To not let go of yourself just because you are a mommy. Yes I am Bens wife and Marleys mommy ... but first I was me. And I will not be made to feel guilty for wanting to make myself better. Whether it be my going to the gym, going out with friends or taking a shower on my own.