Friends

I was texting a friend this morning and it struck me that I am very lucky to have the women in my life that I do. I have a very small group of friends whom I have been friends with for a very long time. We have been through a whole lot of shit together and we've made it through. We talk about anything and everything and we trust  and value the others opinions.  Ive shared my life with these women and we've been through marriage, divorce, love or lack there of, good times, bad times, times when we were so broke we were barely making rent and times when we were buying dinner for eachother. Im so lucky to have them in my life and Ill tell you why. Never have been scared or ashamed to tell them something. I know that I can go to these ladies with anything and it will be met with love, probably with laughs and some sort of solution. But we have always raised each other up, rather than tear eachother down.
The other night I had a few women over for a Pure Haven party.  We had pizza and wine , we learned about some new product's and we laughed and talked. I told my husband after that I didn't realize how badly I was needing a night of girl time. I always try to make sure my husband and I get date nights but a girls night is harder to  come by! But it was so good for my soul.
Women need to help each other,  love each other and be there for one another. There is a whole lot of negativity in the world, pick some women to lift you up, laugh with and share with. It will make your life so much better. 💖💖💖💖

To the girl whose heart was broken

Recently my sister  (19 years old) told me about her friend who'd just had her heart crushed by a boy.  More specifically,  by a boy who no longer wanted to be with her. And my heart hurt for her. Because Ive been there. I've felt that unimaginable hurt that feels as if it will never end. I know what if feels like to want someone so badly you'd do just about anything to make them want you back.
There was once a time when I thought Id met the man I would marry. He was so cute and he made me laugh. He was the first love of my life and I thought we'd be together forever. And then suddenly we weren't together. Well.....not suddenly.  Really it had been 2 years of on again off again, 2 years of drama,2 years when I put him before most other things and where he put me last. Not always! But enough that I should have known that I desearved better. I should have remembered that I was really a pretty cool chick who had a lot of things going for her and that I wasnt just his girlfriend. But it was so easy to forget because when we were together we had so much fun and when we were apart I felt like I could never be with anyone else. But then life is funny isnt it? It pushes us forward even when we dont want to be pushed. And the world just keeps spinning even though we want to stand still. Id like to give some magical end to this where after this point I met my husband and we lived happily ever after. But thats not the case. There were 2 long relationships after my first love that were hard to let go of. And one that I let go of way too fast and didn't appreciate for what it could have been. But through each one I found a little more of myself.  I found the person I am and am supposed to be. No longer that guys girlfriend but me. And when I did meet my husband one drunken night in a bar (yes in a bar) I wasnt afraid to just be myself. Which sometimes he loves and other times could do without hahaha. But he accepted me for me.....more importantly I accepted me for me.
So to the girl hurting and crying. Remember that men are fairly transparent.  Take what hes saying in and move on. Realize that it hurts now but it wont hurt forever. Know that you're one pretty cool chick and that the rest will fall into place. :)

Letting my husband 'be the boss'

Probably the hardest part of marriage, or any relationship I've had,  has been the push and pull of 'control'. I am very strong willed, independent and opinionated, I want what I want and usually I want it now. Now, motherhood helped that I lot because literally I get nothing when i want it only to ensure that 3 little people's demands are met nearly on command. Hahaha. But I do believe that in a relationship someone needs to have the final say. For us, that person is my husband.  Let me be clear that all of our decisions are made jointly and the big ones are at length with both sides being taken into consideration. BUT if we're at a stand still and don't agree my husband gets the final say. There are many reasons for this but the bottom line is that what he says goes. Now if that decision happens to be the wrong one I am still my loud opinionated self. (Hahahah) When I tell people this though they are very perplexed and very put off. I can see it on their faces and hear it in their silence. One friend even told me 'that sounds awful.' And I fully admit sometimes its a bitch! And sometimes I don't like knowing that I can argue all I want but if he's got his mind set we're not doing X Y or Z. But its what works for us. And it works, in part, because I give up a little of my need for control and trust in my husband.  I trust that he has our best interest at heart, I trust that he knows what he's doing and that he is making his decision with care. I've seen him compromise plenty of times, especially in the interest of our family and I trust that he always wants to do right by us. So in the end I relinquished my control and lost some selfishness, and its worth it every day.

Challenging the 'modern feminist'

I've struggled a lot lately with what being a woman should entail. If you listen to the media, look at magazines or watch TV you'll see a lot of different types of women. What You Won't See Much of is the 'traditional' woman. You wont see a stay at home mother, a woman in the kitchen (how archaic gasp) or a woman cleaning a bathroom. For ME being a woman is all of these things. I take pride in staying home with my babies during the day, in making my own bread, in baking cookies and making dinner for my family. And that 'type' of women is no longer reprensented. For some reason that woman isn't important any longer. We're taught that we can have it all, but somehow not needing 'it all' (whatever the hell 'it all' is) makes us less.  Why? Where has the traditional woman gone and why is her presence somehow offensive to so many people?

Time to get back to it

So its been awhile! But I thought that maybe it was time to get back to doing something that I love. SO the blog has been re opened and will move forward with funny mom tales, the daily stay at home mom life and the ever changing world and my views on its craziness.

The first six mongths

Lately I feel like I haven't had much time for anything except babies and Marley. These first six months have gone by so fast I can't believe it. Living on coffee and hope that the boys start sleeping through the night has kept me going though! A typical day goes like this:
-Marley up at 645am - snuggles and tv time in moms bed till the boys get up.
-Boys up around 730 - Breakfast, playtime, coffee time for mom.
-9am mom attempts to watch Kelly and Michael
-930 the boys take their first nap. This means quiet time for Mar. We do a project, we watch tv or we play nicely till the boys wake up.
-1030-11 the boys wake up. They eat. We clean up more, change diapers etc etc etc.
-1230 the boys go down for their second nap. Marley and I eat lunch. Clean up from lunch. Usually play play dough, build legos, do a puzzle (which Marley insists she likes but will sit for about two minutes and leaves me with the clean up). I make one more cup of coffee swearing its my last. Now that it's nice Marley will sometimes go play in our back yard while I clean up the kitchen, get a load of dishes started, fold laundry etc. If I'm feeling really tired Marley watches a show on my phone while I watch a show I have recorded.
-230 the boys wake up and we repeat the morning till Ben gets home. Sometime around 4pm I try to finish Kelly and Michael but realize that I've only made it to about 7 minutes in. I give up.


A great night is when each baby is only up once. A bad night (like last night) is when each baby is up a gazillion times and I get about two hours of sleep.


The boys are smiling, talking, reaching for us and mocking us. They smile alllll the time and are so dang sweet. Marley has been the BEST big sister I could ever ask for and I'm so lucky to have her. Because on the days that I'm majorly tired, stressed, thinking I can't keep going and wondering how the hell people do this. Marley looks at me and says that I'm the BEST mom or that she loves me. And sometimes when I'm crabby she says 'don't have that attitude with me!' hahaha. Either way she makes me smile and laugh and then the day  goes on. How lucky am I?


Last night I was packaging up clothes to donate and I looked at Ben and asked if he was SURE we were done having kids. Because I just don't know if I feel 'done'. He looked at me like I was a crazy person. haha. One or two more....maybe???.....

The twins birth story....finally

Well it's been six months, why not tell the boys birth story now.
I made it to one day shy of 39 weeks before we induced. I still kind of cant believe it. I am a super baby carrier!
A little back story. I went to the Dr. on Monday and she took one look at me and said 'you're just ready aren't you?' My response was YES! hahaha I asked if we could schedule an induction for Friday because it would mean less time that Ben had to take off work and more time that he'd have at home to help me. So the induction was scheduled for that Friday. Up until my induction I felt .... large....haha. I couldn't do much anymore. I'd slept in a recliner for roughly the last two months of my pregnancy. I couldn't bend over. I couldn't walk at more than a snails pace (super annoying to ben). I just wasn't going far fast!
Friday morning came and Ben and I were confidant that we'd start the induction around 8 and these babies would be born super fast (just like Marley). We started the induction around 8am. And we waited. My mom showed up around noon. Waited some more. Nothing was happening. So I got an epidural later in the day. I bounced on a ball. I walked a little. We all watched TV, read magazines, slept. Pretty soon one of my drs came in and said that he'd like to break my water in hopes that it would bring the boys down farther and start active labor. No joke he broke my water and jumped off the bed because of the huge gush. hehe. Finally things started to happen.
SO. Our plan was this: Deliver in the operating room because one baby was head down but the other was sideways. If the second baby didn't move head down and his cord came down before him we would have to deliver the second baby via c section. We were going to have one baby, stop and do a quick ultrasound to see where baby two was and make a decision from there. A few things happened in the interim. I was laying on my side so long all my epidural ran to one side ( I didn't even know that was possible) so I started feeling a LOT. The nurse kept asking me if I had to push. What I didn't realize at first was that I had to pee which actually equaled that I had to push. My the time I realized it I was practically delivering a baby. When I told the nurse I needed a Dr she said I'd have to wait because she was with another patient. My one freak out of the day was me yelling 'Im having twins I don't give a fuck!' Or something to that extent. Anyway I was swiftly rolled into the operating room and Ben was suited up in full Bee Keeper gear. My poor mom started following us and the Dr told her she couldn't come because it was too risky. Delivering in an operating room made me feel like I was on a movie. Big bright lights and LOTS of nurses, two drs and an anesthiologist all accompanied me. Pretty soon Sanders was born and I heard my dr say 'OK hold on I have a foot, let me see if I can get another one.' And two seconds later 'Got it.' Sanders and Hendrix were born two minutes apart. Hendrix being pulled out feet first and arms up over his head by my Dr. The boys were beautiful and healthy and we couldn't have been more amazed. As I wheeled out into the hallway and back to our room my mom, step dad, brother, sister and dad were all waiting and smiling. I don't know if I'll ever forget the pure joy that I felt in that moment.
The next several days were a blur and the months to come have flown by. But that moment, coming out and seeing my family, with my husband by my side and my twins in my arms .... that moment will forever stand still in my mind and my heart.